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The new year signals a return to school for many kids and beginning school for others. It can be a time of angst and worry for younger children.
“Until the change becomes familiar and predictable we can struggle and feel anxious,” says parenting author, Maggie Dent.
“For our youngest children it’s helpful to have practised parents going and coming back – even playing hide and seek around the house can help build this. Being honest and telling them you are leaving and will be coming back is better than doing the ‘disappear’ trick as they need to be able to trust you.”
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Maggie says it’s useful to explain to kids that new things, places and people can also make adults feel a little unsettled.
“Young children usually have strong imaginations and I have found that some small techniques that strengthen the connection – and thus reduce sense of separation – to mum or dad while they are away can help lots,” says Maggie.
She has the following advice for parents whose children may be anxious about starting school:
- Help them create an imaginary protector – they imagine having their huge protector with them while they are away from you.
- Fill an empty, clean, small container with a lid with kisses from everyone they are fond of, and tuck it in the bottom of their backpack.
- As they leave home always place a kiss from one parent in the right hand and the other parent in the left … it is also magic and stays there all day.
- Practise imagining you are sending them rainbows of love from your heart to theirs at recess and lunch and ask them to send one to you when they miss you.
- Put a really small stuffed toy – maybe smelling of your perfume, dad’s after-shave or with a lipstick kiss – in the bottom of the backpack so they don’t feel so separate and alone.
- Draw funny pictures on their lunch bags.
- Have them wear a lanyard or locket with a photo of mum and dad or their key caregivers – they tend to look at it often and even talk to them.
- Teach them how to take three big breaths and breathe out the butterflies hiding in their tummy or gently rub their tummy telling the butterflies they are safe.
- Teach them how to calm themselves by singing Round and Round the Garden while making circles in their hand, just as you would do – music and touch trigger feel-good hormones.
Maggie says many boys struggle silently with this separation distress and nurturance is important as they adjust. “Remember, boys like to be shown you love them or care about them not just be told that you do,” says Maggie, “so hugs, tickles on the back, soft ruffling on the head, high fives, winks and smiles are big messages of love and connection for our precious sensitive little lads.”
